What I Know To Be True As A Queer & Trans Podcast Host
Happy PRIDE 2025, everyone!
As many of you know, I am the host of Queer Story Time (QST) The Podcast of which premiered on October 11th, 2023, National Coming Out Day. It's available across every major podcasting platform and on YouTube. Since the launch, QST will soon be approaching its 25th episode in June 2025.
It truly has been an honor and a pleasure to sit down one-on-one and listen to the harrowing journeys of all of those that have been guests over the course of this podcast.
The privilege of having a front row seat to these stories has made me deeply reflect on several important queer and trans truths over this last year (of which are in no order of importance):
- Queer & Trans People Simply Wish To Exist And Survive To Old Age
This may seem like a statement that should be easily granted to any human being; however, throughout queer and trans history we have had to fight for social acceptance, fight against psychiatric diagnoses like being labeled psychopaths, fight against police brutality and invasion of our "safe" spaces; fight against misinformation and fear-mongering during the HIV/AIDS epidemic; and fight against religious dogmatism and condemnation from almost every major worldwide religion. To this day we're fighting a worldwide on-slot of anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation seeking to eradicate us from being publicly visible or existing as any other human being; historically, this is no different than what we have faced in times past.
Just as every human being deserves a right to fresh air, water, food, access to education, and all of the other necessities of living on this planet; so to does each and every single one of us deserve to live into the truest expression of ourselves without threats of ongoing violence or moral outrage by those who seek to destroy us. Queer and trans people simply want to live at peace in our bodies, have the autonomy to BE as we are, and live a long, prosperous life well into old age. This is all that we were ever asking for.
2. Politicians Will Never Successfully Outlaw Us
Queer and Trans people have existed and persisted since time immemorial regardless of the atrocities we've faced and continue to face at present. We have resisted oppressive efforts by extremists for nearly one century.
Across both social media and dominant social and political narratives, you hear many ask, "Why do you have to shove it in everyone's faces?" The proverbial "it" in that question specifically refers to one’s queerness or transness.
The perspective of which this questions arises does not account for the fact that every single queer and trans person here on planet earth grew-up in cultures and societies worldwide dominated by the presence of compulsory cis-gender heterosexuality. Given this, queer and trans people grew-up in a world where we had very little representation of anything outside of these established “norms”.
Rough estimates point to the fact that approximately 10% of the global human population identifies as Gender & Sexually Expansive (LGBTQIA+); thus, here we have a dominant group of people, those that are cis-gender and heterosexual, seeking to outlaw a much smaller population of human beings that subvert expected “norms” of gender and sexuality.
This is what white supremacy looks like for those that are not familiar.
Our current political situation is the equivalent of a gang of childhood bullies beating-up the one boy who they perceive to be too feminine, or the one girl they believe to be too masculine, the disabled person, or the person's skin they deem to be "too dark".
This is a much greater reflection of the fragile and insecure minds of the politicians we elect than it is on any oppressed group of people. The problem is, the way you live your life and the narratives you teach your children about gender and sexuality either perpetuates this supremacy or seeks to end it. You have a choice.
3. We Are So Much Bigger Than Our Trauma
From my own personal experience and through being witness to the healing journey taken by all of the guests on QST, I know that the totality of our lives is so much more than what happened to us. Of course, this does not negate the physical or emotional pain that we've experienced throughout life or what it has taken for us to come out on the other side.
What this does point to is that there is a light within each of us conspiring for not only our survival but for our ultimate good. Since I'm being a little spiritual here, let me get into a little science, too.
Modern science acknowledges that even though traumatic events do have the capacity to disrupt and thus dysregulate the functioning of the human nervous system; ultimately, our brain and nervous system is neuro-plastic; no, I'm not saying our brain is made of plastic. Side note, now microplastics are being found in brain tissue. I digress…
Neuroplasticity means that the human brain has the capacity to evolve beyond prior states of being thus, we have the capacity to form new pathways and new connections beyond that of old ones. This is the good news!
Even though things may seem difficult; change, transformation, and healing is always possible. The queer and trans community shows evidence of this every. single. day despite all of the odds against us.
4. Community Is What Heals Us
The number one realization among nearly all QST guests has been that finding community and connection among like-minded individuals or among those with similar lived experiences has been one of the most significant factors in their healing and transformation.
As humans, community has the unique capacity to take us beyond ourselves, beyond all of our pain, hurt, trauma, and stigmatization; queer community has allowed many of us to move from a space of disconnection into a space of inter-connection with all of those that have walked this path before us.
One amazing discovery of being among other queer and trans people is that your mind, body, and spirit begins to feel settled, relaxed, and joyful amongst those that are closest of kin. That's one major sign that you’re living in alignment with your internal knowing of who you are.
5. We're Simply Asking For Respect; Nothing More, Nothing Less
All that queer and trans people are asking for is to be respected for who they tell you they are; not how you perceive or assume us to be. Just as any other human being, queer and trans people have a whole inner life going on inside of them. Throughout time, struggle, relationships, and many other conditions, we begin forming a knowing of who we are as individuals existing on this planet; this is the natural progress of human development.
With this understanding, it makes absolutely no sense for someone to come along and tell us who we are when they haven't lived our experiences nor have any awareness of our own internal life and existence. At the end of the day, it's quite arrogant to believe that you know someone better than they know themselves. There are many in this world that would benefit from deeply reflecting on this point.
6. Coming-Out Isn’t Always The Right Way For Everyone
In dominantly white and western queer and trans spaces we often celebrate being out and proud as the ultimate goal. Of course sometimes, you'll hear people say, "Come out when you're ready" as if not to place extra pressure on people and allow them to do it in their own time and space. There's certainly nothing wrong with this.
However, what I'm about to offer may be considered a decolonial perspective of sorts which is one that is far less accepted by the dominant LGBTQIA+ community. This is the act of deliberately and consciously choosing not to come out. I know some of you reading this cannot even fathom that and many of you may be shocked by me stating this as an outspoken advocate for the queer and trans community. But, what I'm not going to do is ignore the experiences of black and brown people throughout our community.
Given all of this, what I'm choosing to do is listen to the lived experiences of several black and brown people that I've had on QST and beyond. As I've listened, I've acknowledged that some black and brown people that are also queer and/or trans never come out; especially to family members. For those of European decent (including myself), it's all too easy to chastise them for not being brave or not trying to advocate for themselves or not attempting to change the conditionings of their culture.
Let's not forget, it was indeed European colonialism that forced rigid gender & sexual norms on many indigenous countries globally. Prior to colonization these cultures honored, respected, and valued queer and trans people as integral members of society. As westerners, our way isn't always the right way and there's plenty of history to show us that truth. This is where I think many of us can arrive humbled and allow fellow self-determined adults to make important decisions about how they navigate their own lives without projecting our biases or ideals onto them. We should support them whether they are "out" or not.
7. Life Is Better For Us When Family & Friends Commit To Their Own Inward Work
Much like the uncovering that many queer and trans people have to do to embody a more authentic expression of themselves, we thrive most when those around us actively commit to their own inward work.
The fact is that all of us as human beings were raised with particular assumptions about gender and sexuality whether subtle or overt. Each and every single one of us grew-up contending with societal, familial, and religious expectations, as well as other factors whether we were conscious of them or not.
In bringing these expectations into conscious awareness, we are not asking you to question the narratives of which you were raised so that you yourself become queer or trans; we’re doing so because actively questioning the narratives of which you were taught when you were younger not only allows you to discover greater truths and freedoms in your own life; but it allows us to find greater freedom and joy in our lives as queer and trans people. This is about expanding our awareness beyond the rigid notions of which we were raised to believe and recognizing there are other truths and experiences beyond those. Tuning into this is a win-win for all of us.
8. Embodying Your True Self Is Always Possible
No matter your age and no matter your gender identity or sexual orientation, embodying your true self is always possible.
This message extends far beyond the queer and trans community into all of humanity. It is possible for all of us to become a more fully expressed version of ourselves, even if you are cis-gender and heterosexual.
Many of us have ways in which we are living out of alignment. We often have that subtle voice within yearning for us to pay attention. If that’s you, I encourage you to lean into that.
This, in fact, is the gift that queer-ness and trans-ness offers to the world. We allow the world to see what is possible, and what it is like to break-free of all that is not us in order to radically live as fully embodied, autonomous, self-determined, sovereign human beings. This can be you, too!
My sincere hope for all of you reading this is that you no longer see the queer and trans community as a threat to your own existence but as an opportunity to know and understand yourself more deeply. May it be so!
*This article was originally published on Substack in December 2024.